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Off My Game

 

Some of you here have been with me since the beginning so I just wanted to share a major milestone in my life with you and why I've been a little absent for a large portion of this year..  

On Saturday 3rd September I married my best weirdo and favourite Candian, Graham Turner, surrounded by our friends and family in the heart of the Norfolk countryside.

You may have been wondering where I’ve been this year and why I’ve not been so present or “off my game” on newsletters and social media etc so here it is...

My sense of passion, purpose and identity is fueled by creative work and my connection to my sexuality and sensuality. Planning a wedding is the biggest creative and logistical headache of a project I’ve ever undertaken and almost became a full time job in the final weeks before the wedding. If you know me, you know that my attention to detail is my greatest asset and my biggest shadow. From napkins, to backdrops and dip dyed streamers. Home made fabric and flower garlands to handmade terracotta wedding favours and wedding programs. Rescuing and repurposing used glass soda bottles and jars for table flowers from local Hackney bars and our friends and bouquets and button holes made by my aunts from a local flower farm supplying seasonal blooms, we did it all by ourselves.

It's been the most joyful, stressful, beautiful and libido crushing experience I’ve ever had. I found a tanacity within myself that I haven't seen since my days of being a project manager in the public sector many moons ago but my creative and mental bandwidth was maxed out. As a result I have struggled to connect with, talk about and encourage sensuality in others when finding it hard to access within myself and busy with banal but necessary BS like dietary requirements, logistics, figuring out how many serving spoons to hire and caulculating alcohol per head.

I’ve promised you all some new work for sometime but the truth is, these have all been on hold until we made it through to the other side and I regained some time, headspace and sensuality for myself.

Sometimes when we're so focused on the world outside of ourselves we leave ourselves depleted and disconnected; two things which have a huge impact on our ablity to access out sensuality, creativity and libido. Some circumstances we can't control and the is no going under or over it - we just need to accept it and go through it. Our sexual drive, creativity and commitments ebb and flow - it's just part of the seasons and cycles of life. What I have learned is that it's important not berate yourself for it when you find yourself in that situation, but instead acknowledge it and find your way back as and when you can as best you can.

I’m elated and exhausted, but suddenly I feel a sense of release and room for expansion and play. I'm so ready to get back into my own creative projects and nurturing my libido...and yours.

Thanks for sticking around. I appreciate you and I look forward to sharing more exciting, juicy and erotic things with you soon.